Worth the Wait

There are 2 years of waiting and hoping behind this bump, its been quite a journey to get to this point, 22 weeks pregnant. pregnant after infertility

IMG_4358

Quite a few people have asked me why I haven’t written about my pregnancy yet. The truth is I have written, but have deleted everything. I don’t feel that I have been able to adequately capture my experience or my feelings. I don’t expect I will in this post either, but I’ll try. pregnant after infertility

We started trying to get pregnant again when Morris was 8 months old (he’s now 3 years). I started getting really anxious after about 6 months and couldn’t make an appointment with my doctor fast enough once a year had passed. With our fertility clinic we did a few months of cycle monitoring (basically I went to the clinic every morning for about 2 weeks for daily blood-work and ultrasounds) to confirm regularity of my cycle. Then we did 4 medicated IUI cycles (again I went daily to the clinic for blood work and ultrasounds while taking medication to produce more eggs). Finally we moved on to IVF. We were extremely lucky because Ontario started to fund one round of IVF per couple at the same time that we decided we were going to need it.  We went on a wait list 100 people long and received funding the following month because someone else postponed their treatment. Although we still had to pay for all my medications it still felt like we had won’ the lottery. pregnant after infertility

IMG_4365

IVF is intense. Twice daily injections in my stomach and upper leg, frequent blood work and ultrasounds, extra injections to prevent ovulation and again more to force it. A VERY painful (but thankfully short) procedure to retrieve eggs and then another procedure to implant an embryo. Because our IVF was funded we were only allowed to transfer 1 embryo. pregnant after infertility

4 month pregnant light skinned mom standing sideways pregnant after infertility
This super comfy maternity dress is from Pink Blush Maternity

To say this pregnancy has been emotional would be beyond an understatement. I’ve never been happier, felt more guilty, or been more terrified. Hearing the nurse on the phone tell me my pregnancy test was positive literally took my breath away. Yet even though I was over the moon that I was finally pregnant, I still had many friends who had been struggling along side me who were not pregnant.  Friends for whom IVF won’t work, who have had miscarriages, and who continue on in various stages of the exhausting journey of infertility. I felt and still feel so guilty that I am pregnant and they aren’t. It isn’t fair.  I remember feeling nervous that something would go wrong during my pregnancy with Morris, but the intensity of those nerves are 10 fold in this pregnancy. I am trying so hard now that I am in my second trimester to relax and enjoy it, but the nerves and thoughts can be pretty consuming. Every midwife appointment where I get to hear the heartbeat and get confirmation that everything is ok and every kick I feel makes me feel slightly better, but I’m still nervous ALL THE TIME. pregnant after infertility

light skinned pregnant mom standing with her 3 year old son

 

Other than the emotions this pregnancy has been a dream so far. I have had very little morning sickness (it was horrible with Morris for 14 weeks). I was very tired for the first few months, but that has passed. I’m enjoying having my energy back, wearing cute maternity clothes, and having a bump small enough that I am  still able to paint my toe nails and tie my own shoes. pregnant after infertility

FullSizeRender 10

IMG_4394

 

xo Erica

3 comments on “Worth the Wait

  1. Erica, Brandon, and Morris,

    Congratulations, we are so happy to hear the good news! Having two little ones is wonderful (and manageable if you “divide and conquer” – each parent wrangles one kid at a time. 🙂

    Erica – I was anxious and afraid the second time around, but around 34 weeks it all went away and I really enjoyed my last month of pregnancy (the physical discomforts are nothing compared to the emotional ones.) Hoping you reach that point ASAP.

    Looking forward to another little cousin in the family!

    Karen, Andrew, Lucy, and Baby Jesse

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *