I want a sibling for Morris

In February 2014 I told one of my best friends that we were going to start trying for our second baby next month. For those who know me, if over the past year I have seemed weird, distant, or just off… this is why. For those who don’t know me, you’re about to get to on a pretty personal level.

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My friend said, “Really? March is tomorrow!”

“Oh”, I said “ok,  maybe we’re not ready…”.  But we did start trying that March, it has now been 1 year, 6 months and 21 days

I am beyond ready and I am not pregnant.

Rewind a few years to May 2012. Brandon and I decided to start trying for our first child. In September 2012, a short 5 months later, I was pregnant. On June 18th, 2013 Morris was born.

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I (stupidly, I now realize) assumed that #2 would come along as easily.

We tried on our own for a year before seeking medical assistance and are now realizing that fertility treatment is not a quick process. It took time to get an initial appointment, time to run tests, time to monitor ovulation, and time to wait for test results. And then life got in the way and we ended up waiting a few more months.

Now we are finally starting some fertility treatment. Fingers crossed.

To say that this process has been emotionally draining is certainly an understatement. Every single month, (although I tell myself not to get my hopes up), I feel letdown when I realize I am not pregnant.

And there are very few people that I feel I can talk to. Like, really talk to.

I feel that friends who have been struggling to get pregnant for the first time don’t want to hear my story because I already have a child. I totally get this.

And I am so so so thankful that we have Morris. I cannot emphasize that enough. And if Morris ends up being the only child that we have, we are blessed. But I will still be sad, for me, and for Morris who I so desperately want to have a sister or brother.

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The main reason that I started this blog and became more involved with the women community on Instagram was to give me a focus other then not being pregnant month after month. And it has helped. The blogging and Instagram community is so uplifting, so lovely, and I’ve “met” some really inspiring ladies.

I also fully understand and appreciate that there are so many worse things that I could be dealing with then secondary infertility. I often feel guilty for being upset about it. I do have perspective, but that doesn’t always make it easier.

17 comments on “I want a sibling for Morris

  1. The blogging community is so wonderful and uplifting isn’t it? Sending good thoughts and prayers your way! I think it’s very brave to share this and also think you will find an outpouring of hope and support from those who’ve gone through the same thing.

  2. I can’t say I know what you are feeling or going through but I do have many friends whom I’ve supported along similar journeys. Talking openly about your experience will help with all the emotions that are attached during this time and other supporters will shine and share their experiences too. I have faith you will one day have another little bundle of joy. Life is strange but it is full of surprises. I’m sending you and your family love and prayers for a little miracle. Shawna

  3. Aww Erica I’m so sorry to hear this. My sister had a journey/nightmare trying to get pregnant and visited many of the same options that you are taking. I know there are so many emotions around it. I tried to be there for her but I know you cant understand it truly until you go through it yourself. How much it takes up all your thoughts and energy every day. The process can be grueling but I think it’s great that you are trying to find some ways to help yourself find some joy and get support while your trying. All the best to you sweet. Don’t lose hope. Thinking of you xo

  4. Oh Erica. Thank you for being so open and for sharing your heart. You have blessed me with our newfound connection via instagram and I’m so thankful for that! Praying for you and your beautiful family! ??

  5. Hi! I just wanted to say that it took me more than 2 years to be pregnant and because of that, I still feel for you, doesn’t matter if you’re trying for your 2nd or 3rd. I know how hard it is very month. I hope you’ll think about something else for a while and that it will happen, just like that. ?
    Elodie

    1. Thank you so much for the sweet comment, I really appreciate it. It is hard, and it seems just gets harder as time passes. This blog and my little instagram community is a great distraction for me. Happy Holidays to you and your family. thank you again for your comment 🙂

  6. I can definitely relate to this post and I know how hard it was for you to probably write this because infertility is something no one likes to talk about. For me anyways it felt like an embarrassment or a failure. I was the only one out of all my friends so I’m had no one to relate to. Thanks for opening up its nIce to know it’s more common then we think.

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